Discussions in Divorce: Making the Decision to Change your family structure

Many parents struggle with deciding the best course of action to end their relationship, while maintaining a relationship with their children.  This can be a difficult time because divorce is not easy…. duh, and break-ups are usually not designed to go well.  As a parent, your main responsibility is your children, and you have a duty to ensure their lives are well supported during this time.

photo of man in raising baby under blue sky

You have a decision to make….

If the relationship with your partner is unhealthy…

Your children see abuse from yourself or your partner.

If your children witness physical or verbal fighting.

It may be appropriate to see HELP and assess the pros and cons of remaining in the relationship.

Check out this article written on the Divorce Mag Blog:

Should You Wait until Your Children Are Older to Divorce?

https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/should-you-wait-until-your-children-are-older-to-divorce/

woman and man sitting on brown wooden bench
Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

Sometimes couples feel SHAME for engaging in physical or verbal fights in front of the children.  They avoid or ignore the issue.  They claim that their children were not present.  They assert that it never impacted their children.  They claim that their children will forget that the argument or fight occurred… And so much more.  The denial is usually about shame.  Parents know that exposing their children to fighting and arguments is damaging for their emotional health.  They know and may feel that by doing so, they would feel like they are a bad parent.  Moving forward… and making steps to improve your relationship with your partner is the first step in healing for yourself, your relationship and your children.  Addressing the fight with your child, apologizing for your behavior and making a commitment to create a safer place for your child is an important step in resolving this experience for your child.

Seven Stages of Grief During and After Divorce

This article provides a brief analysis of the experiences of individuals who are undergoing divorce.  While the stages are typically not sequential, they exist as a process.  Children experience similar processes as they grieve the “family” setting they once knew and enjoyed.  It is important to remain aware of the emotional toll each stage will have upon your life and ensure you receive the support you require to heal.

smiling girl wearing purple and multicolored striped top

Children need…

  • Parents who are healthy, emotionally well, and take care of their needs.
  • Parents who are honest and take responsibility for their actions, especially when they make mistakes or fail.
  • Parents who are okay with saying, “I am sorry”… and “I will do better” and making the choice to change.
  • Parents who are able to find a way to mediate and work with each other, despite their insurmountable differences.
  • Parents who restrain from violence in relationships to achieve their goals or to gain control.  Violence occurs in language, behavior, inflicting physical pain, manipulation, power, control and more…
  • Parents who sacrifice their own needs to ensure their children are safe, live stable lives, and feel secure
  • Parents who ensure they receive support to manage the “the child’s” experience of divorce and separation.

Parents, write your own list!

black ball point pen on white notebookWhat kind of parent do you aspire to become? What kind of family do you wish to create for yourself and your children? What changes in yourself do you need to make to achieve this goal? What is your plan to accomplish this? What are the barriers which prevent you from achieving the changes you which to see in yourself?


 

Published by

Nicole Perryman

Nicole Perryman, CEO of Perryman Consulting Sevices (PCS). PCS provides equity advocacy, consulting, training and clinical assessments and treatment.

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